Winding up the year, this is the last of three posts on the Mission Statement Makeover competition. Despite the caveat in the first post about writing a mission statement from the outside, our approach for these eight entries will be to suggest some wording for a mission statement and ask the organization—or others—to start a discussion that may ask further—and perhaps better—questions to hone in on the target. For background see the initial post and CI#7: On Mission.
As noted in previous posts, we are omitting organization names from the Makeover submissions. Organizations are welcome to mention them in the discussion thread.
7 Social enterprise
Mission statement:
[org] helps social enterprises understand their customers better and develop more appropriate products through collaborative relationships with local partners in developing countries. We work with a network of local partners who already have connections to diverse communities representing different geographies, socioeconomic status, and livelihoods in addition to deep understanding of local languages and cultures. This network allows us to match our social enterprise clients with their target markets with the level of depth they desire in a cost-effective manner. By consolidating demand, Root Alliance makes community-based market research and product testing affordable and accessible to our clients.
The case for a makeover:
“Our mission statement has a lot of information and we are having hard time to convey it in a succinct but effective manner.”
Questions:
All the information you need to convey does not need to be in the mission statement. This statement should restrict itself to a compelling case for why the organization exists. The mission statement is the portal for a discussion. Its task is to make people want to go through and find out more (outsiders) or to remind them why they’re involved (insiders).
The essence of the long statement above seems to be “Support social enterprises in developing countries with community-based market research and product testing.” What does that misstate or leave out?
8 Community health
Mission statement:
[org]’s mission is to promote and champion the health and well being of all residents of our community, regardless of ability to pay, primarily through supporting excellence and innovation in the County’s hospital and clinic system.
The case for a makeover:
“Well, I had to look it up in order to write it down, unfortunately. And we are constantly saying ‘our mission is...’ and filling in the blanks with a variety of endings. I feel that if we had a robust and vital statement, or a something more concise/or catchy, our messaging would be much more clear! ”
Questions:
How much of the current statement is verbal packing around the essential concept? What do you need to add to this: “Support health care delivery to all residents of San Mateo County, regardless of ability to pay”?
9 Experiential learning
Mission statement:
Recognizing that we are in a time of great change, [org] will collaborate with individuals and organizations to support empowering, experiential programs that develop 21st century life skills in interested 6-8th grade students in [name] County.
The case for a makeover:
“I wonder if it’s engaging/succinct enough to be effective in attracting support for our cause.”
Questions:
Here is the message in fewer than half the words. “To support experiential programs that develop 21st century life skills in middle school students.” Does it leave out any essentials, or just flourishes?
10 Low income students
Mission statement:
[org]’s mission is to transform the lives of accomplished high school students from low-income families by broadening their dreams and preparing them for college success.
The case for a makeover:
“It has been mentioned by several board members that we need to change our mission statement.”
Questions:
It would be helpful to know what changes your trustees think are needed. Here’s the message in half the words. What does this miss?
[org] prepares low-income, high-achieving high school students for success in college and beyond
11 Wildlife
Mission statement:
[org] is a nonprofit wild animal sanctuary and educational facility. We are dedicated to the lifetime care of abused, neglected, confiscated or unwanted wild animals to prevent them from being destroyed and education of the public to reduce human-wildlife conflicts.
The case for a makeover:
“WAY too wordy - but how do we possibly say it more smoothly?!”
Questions:
There are two missions here, remediation and prevention: “lifetime care of abused or unwanted wild animals and education to reduce human-wildlife conflicts”
Is that a statement of your mission?
12 Mobility
Mission statement:
[org] is a not-for-profit organization dedicated to Expanding Horizons for persons with disabilities, and Maximizing Potential for disadvantaged persons by providing support in resolving personal transportation issues.
The case for a makeover:
“I find that this statement is too hard to follow and does not flow. We are pretty much a start up non profit and I think if this was worded better we may draw in more donations.”
Questions:
Is your target population persons with disabilities, disadvantaged people, or both? Beyond that question, it’s not fully clear what you’re trying to do. The best we can do at this point still preserves that vagueness:
- [org] provides transportation options for disadvantaged persons
- [org] expands the horizons of disadvantaged persons through transportation options
13 Addiction
Mission statement:
[org]’s Mission is to lead, unify and empower addiction focused professionals to achieve excellence through education, advocacy, knowledge, standards of practice, ethics, professional development and research.
The case for a makeover:
“Our mission statement, adopted in 1998 has a lot of buzzwords, but doesn’t really capture who we are and what our focus is.”
Questions:
What is your focus? The first thought that comes to mind is to combine your current mission and vision statements and edit down a bit:
To support addiction professionals in promoting the health and recovery of individuals, families and communities.
What else do you need to include?
14 Jazz
Mission statement:
The [name] Jazz Orchestra brings jazz for large orchestra of the highest quality, with full artistic integrity and in all its diversity for a national and international public
Question:
Is your mission “To create and present innovative, diverse orchestral jazz throughout the world?” High quality and artistic integrity might well be assumed. “Diversity” might need some clarification.
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